


This Will End In Flames

by Bloodiedpixie



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Agatha is a mess, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Baz is a Mess, Character Study, Hurt No Comfort, Idk if it's happy or open or whatever, M/M, MCD, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of blood and bleeding out, Penny is a mess, Post-Book 1: Carry On, Set in Wayward Son, Simon death, Some Snowbaz memories in there, it ends i know that, mentions of vomit/nausea, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29563590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodiedpixie/pseuds/Bloodiedpixie
Summary: Simon doesn't get back up in battle.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	This Will End In Flames

**Author's Note:**

> CW: MCD Simon
> 
> Ok, once again v sorry. I'm back on my character study angst edition bullshit. Gonna be honest, this one hurt to write, I love Simon dearly and I went a bit more in-depth with this compared to Baz's one so have fun with that. Anyway, pay attention to the CW and the tags and ENJOY THE ANGST!!!

**_“Simon is on the ground. There were gunshots, and then there weren’t. His wing is bent the wrong way. His hair is a mess. He doesn’t have a sword. I told him it would be all right. I told him…I didn’t tell him.”_ **

**Baz**

  


“Simon?” I whisper, shaking his shoulders.

He doesn’t respond, his body doesn’t move except for when I touch it.

I can’t feel his pulse. I can’t hear his blood.

“Simon,” I say sternly again.

“Simon!” I start to get louder and shake him a bit more.

My hands fall from Simon’s body and I sit back on my knees.

  


_Simon. Simon. Simon._

  


“BAZ COME ON!” I hear a distant voice yell. I can’t comprehend it.

  


_I love you. I didn’t tell you. I didn’t get to. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, love._

_I’m sorry, I’m so sorry._

  


“BAZ!” I hear another voice yell. It’s different but I still can’t comprehend who it is.

  


_Simon, please get up._

  


“Simon!” I yell a bit trying to get him to wake up.

  


_Open your eyes, Simon, please._

  


I put my hand on a pulse point on his neck, just to see if maybe there’s a small bit of hope.

  


I don’t feel anything. His neck is cold.

  


  


**Penny**

  


Agatha and I have blood running down our fronts, and fire burning from our hands. I didn’t see it happen really; I was in the back of a four by four with Agatha. I heard it though.

A shot and a thud.

Agatha and I managed to get out, eventually, with no help from me.

The minute we got out I saw him, Simon on the ground. I thought he was okay, he’s survived worse. I knew something was wrong Baz started to shake Simon and frantically put his fingers to his wrist and neck.

I hear Baz yell “PENENOLPE HELP!”

He doesn’t call me Penelope. I know something had gone _terribly_ wrong.

I look over and saw Baz crying, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Baz cry.

I run over to him as fast as I can not sure what to do.

There are vampires with guns surrounding us and running towards Baz. He’s just holding Simon or the tattered and bloodied body of Simon.

Agatha runs up beside me and whispers, “Let’s grab Baz, we need to go.”

I’m not sure if Baz heard that or not but he’s not reacting.

Agatha has a point, we need to go and I suppose Simon is gone.

Agatha grabs Baz’s trembling shoulder and tries to pull him away delicately and he doesn’t move.

My eyes keep looking at Simon.

  


_Wake up. Please wake up._

Agatha snaps her fingers, and my attention is pulled to her, she makes a lifting motion while gesturing at Baz.

I know what she means, it’s not going to work but we can try to get him away.

I quickly grab under his arm and Agatha grabs his other and we pull back.

Baz fights against us obviously.

  


“NO!”

“LET GO OF ME!”

“WE AREN’T LEAVING HIM!”

  


His voice sounds broken as he screams and kicks trying to wrench out of grasp.

He succeeds once we get about five feet from Simon’s body he uses some sort of vampire strength and launches out of our hands and runs to Simon’s body sobbing.

“Baz, we have to go!” Agatha sternly says.

“Fuck off! I’m not leaving him!” He shouts holding Simon closer.

  


_He’s dead. He looks like a pale ragdoll version of the Simon I saw earlier._

  


Before I could do anything else, I heard Shepard shout at us.

“JUST BRING HIM WITH DUDE, LET’S GO!”

Baz’s head snaps up and for a moment I think it’s going to take a lot more convincing to make Baz move.

To my surprise, Baz lifts Simon’s body with ease and starts running towards Shepard

Agatha pulls me along, and we all pile in.

Baz decided to sit in the trunk area with Simon on his lap and we sped off to Morgana knows where.

  


  


**Baz**

  


_Love, please. Please don’t leave._

  


_Don't leave me please, I’m still here._

  


I’m in the cramped boot of the car, gunshots are ringing through the air behind us, Simon’s body in my lap. It’s an odd position to be in; my lover, limp in my arms, surrounded by my best friend, my lover’s ex, and a Normal stranger.

But I just want Simon to open his eyes.

  


_Please. Please. Please._

_Please stay._

  


As soon as we are out of the Quiet Zone, I place my hand to his chest and say every healing spell I know. I faintly hear Penny say them as well, but I am deathly focused on my own voice.

  


**“Get Well Soon”**

**“Sticks and Stones”**

**“Early to Bed, Early to Rise”**

**“Kiss it better”**

  


But nothing is working. It just keeps washing over him like water.

  


_I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry, love._

_I can’t live without you. Please, Simon. Please wake up._

  


He doesn’t open his eyes.

  


**Penny**

  


I know he’s gone when Baz runs out of magic, about thirty minutes of him saying spell after spell. Until he sputters “Get Well-” and doesn’t finish.

Simon’s gone.

I tried, I tried so hard, yet I still failed him. He was just a boy, he only just turned 20.

I told him we could run away, I told him we could be safe. I hoped I could keep him safe. I suppose he was never safe with his mind.

He didn’t die happy, did he? He was pissed at his boyfriend in the middle of the desert, bled out without anyone near him.

I start to feel nauseous thinking about it.

I failed him.

Now I don’t have him here to apologize to. Someone took him away from me. Someone took Simon away. They took away my brother.

Another wave of nausea hits me.

“Pull over,” I strain out.

  


  


**Agatha**

I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to feel.

Sadness obviously, which I do feel, because Simon was only 20 and I spent my childhood with him and now he’s gone, but mostly I feel numb and not a good numb either. A ringing numb that makes my stomach drop and my limbs feel like stone.

We drove for a while into the seemingly endless desert, then Penny made us pull over so she could heave her guts out. 

Baz just sat in the boot and cried over the body while the new guy stood next to Penny and held her hair back.

Then we drove even further into the middle of nowhere desert and placed Simon’s body on the ground unsure what to do.

So far Penny and Baz have been fighting over what to do for 20 minutes.

“I’m not burning him, Bunce. He doesn’t deserve that,” Baz says sternly.

He’s stood, arms crossed, tear trails streaked down his face. He won’t take his gaze off Simon’s body.

“Well, what do you suggest we do then? Bury him in the middle of nowhere?” Penny snaps back nastily.

She’s a mess, tears are streamed down her face. She’s angry (obviously) but in a way, I haven't seen before. She’s turned completely towards Baz but he looks distant and sad. For once Basilton Pitch looks small.

I’m not sure how it got this bad in under 30 minutes but here we are.

The new guy is leaned up against the car staring at Simon's body looking queasy. No. Not queasy, just empty.

I am standing in between Penny and Baz as they quarrel. I stare down at Simon’s body, it’s disturbing.

His eyes are shut, he’s covered in blood. His wing is bent the wrong way, his hair is messy (messier than it should be), he looks cold. Instead of a golden ray of warmth he always was, he’s cold.

“No.” I hear Baz mumble in response to Penny’s questions.

“Well then what do we do Baz!?” Penny shouts making Baz flinch a little, still not taking eyes from Simon’s body.

“I don’t know,” Baz replies shakily.

Penny makes a shout of frustration before tearfully mumbling, “We wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for you.”

Morgana, Penelope, no.

I can tell she regrets it the moment she says it. Her eyes widened, her jaw clenched shut.

I turn my head to look at Baz and I can see him shut down. The fearful, grief-filled boy that was once there, is immediately replaced by the boy I knew at Watford. Cold and shut off.

“You think I meant for this to happen?” He asks lowly.

“I- Baz-” Penny stutters.

“Do you think I meant for Simon to die?!” He asks loudly, finally turning his head to Penelope and me. His eyes are filled with fire, rage, and sadness. He looks borderline manic.

He stares at her for a moment before striding off back to the car.

As he passes, I hear him whisper, “Besides, if it’s anyone’s fault it’s yours.”

Oh, right. Cold, shut off, and _ruthless_.

“MY FAULT?!” Penny exclaims. “HOW IN NAME OF MAGIC IS THIS MY FAULT?!”

Penelope grabs Baz’s arm and pulls him around to look at her. 

“Well if you didn’t take us on this damn trip Simon would still be alive,” he shouts shakily as tears fall down his cheeks.

Penny scoffs, “I hardly think you can call how he was back home 'alive' Basilton!” she shouts.

I turn my head back to Simon hearing them distantly yell at each other. Well, they are right next to me but their voices feel like they are a million miles away.

Poor Simon.

  


_You don’t deserve this Simon. I’m sorry you left so soon._

  


**Penelope:** “AND IF YOU WOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED TO HIM FOR ONCE IN YOUR BLOODY LIFE!”

**Baz:** “I listened to him plenty!”

**Penelope:** “NOT ENOUGH!!”

  


_You don’t deserve shouting and tears. You deserve a celebration. Something almost as bright as your smile._

  


**Baz:** “You’re one to talk, Bunce. I believe you said Micah broke up multiple times and you just didn’t listen!”

**Penelope:** “...Shut up Basil, that was a low blow.”

**Baz:** “AND BLAMING ME FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE’S DEATH WASN’T?!”

  


_You were so kind and caring. Even if you were thick as a numpty somedays. You didn’t deserve to be shot down._

  


**Penelope:** “I didn’t mean to say that!”

**Baz:** “Oh _really_! Then it’s all fixed then I suppose! All your statements have no impact because you didn’t mean to say them.”

**Penelope:** “Nicks and Slick, can you not be twat for one moment in your life?”

**Baz:** “No, I have no reason not to be!”

  


_You don’t deserve this. You-_

  


**Penelope:** “Simon wouldn’t want you to be mad at me.”

**Baz:** “Oh shut the fuck up. I don’t know if you noticed but he’s gone!”

**Penelope:** “I have Basil. I also notice that this wouldn’t have happened if you just LISTENED!!”

  


_You-_

  


**Baz:** “This isn’t my fault!!”

**Penelope:** “Well it isn’t my fault!”

**Baz:** “Sure Bunce nothing is ever-”

  


“WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!” I shout at the top of my lungs.

I’m done with these two. I’m done with the fighting and the crying. I’m done with this desert. I’m done with this country. I’m done.

They both immediately stop and turn to me.

“IT’S EVERYONE’S FAULT!! IT’S MY FAULT, IT’S HIS FAULT, IT’S HER FAULT, IT’S MAGIC’S FAULT!!” I shout, throwing my hands in the air out of frustration.

“But-” Penny starts but I cut her off.

“NO! That’s not Simon!” I gesture at Simon’s body, “Simon is in the viel! Stop bickering and get rid of the body before we get in trouble with law for having a dead dragon boy in the middle of the desert! Figure it out! Now!” I shout sternly before storming off to the car and hopping inside it.

It’s much hotter in here. There are tears slowly going down my cheeks. My throat hurts from screaming. My mouth is still practically an open wound from cutting it open. 

Baz and Penelope didn’t have enough magic to heal it; they used all their magic on Simon. I used all mine on vampires.

After about ten minutes the new guy (who has yet to tell me his name) gets in the car and starts it.

I look out the window to see Baz on his knees clutching at his hair, his shoulders shaking. Penny sat next to him, rubbing his back. 

“I’m Shepard,” The new guy breaking the silence. He's got such a sad voice, he sounds defeated. 

“Agatha,” I reply quietly

He nods and we go back to silence.

Eventually, Penny and Baz get in the car. Baz is sitting in the back with me and Penny is sat upfront. 

We set off on the road again and while we drove off, I looked back to where we were. There’s only a pile of ash where Simon used to be.

  


  


**Baz**

  


We made it to Wellbelove's house in record time. The sun is just starting to set.

Shepard bought me new clothes at some point on the trip. Horrible, cheap jeans and a t-shirt. That was kind of him.

I’ve been on the beach since we got here. I want to be alone.

It’s night now. The cooling ocean breeze occasionally blows my hair back. The waves will graze my feet now and again. The stars are gorgeous.

  


_You would love them, Simon. They could never be as beautiful as the ones you showed me._

  


**_“Twinkle twinkle little star! Up above the world so high!”_ **

**_“Merlin and Morgana. Are we in space?”_ **

  


_You were always half a numpty._

  


**_“Do you want me to pull back?”_ **

**_“No. I want to look at the stars.”_ **

  


_You gave me my wish didn’t you, Simon?_

  


**_“Ride with me, there will be stars.”_ **

**_“Yeah, okay.”_ **

  


_You were covered in stars. Do you know that? All those freckles and moles, they made up constellations. I always loved that one on your neck, and the one on your cheek. You let me kiss on Christmas Eve._

  


**_“For a long time.”_ **

**_“Hmmm?”_ **

**_“I’ve wanted this for a long time. Almost since we met...I thought it was going to kill me.”_ **

  


_Those were my fantasies you know? You killing me, blood and kisses. I thought you would die kissing me. I wish that happened, I wish I could have held you. Told you everything I've ever wanted before you left._

_How I loved you. How being in love with you was like being in love with the sun. How sharing a room with you was like sharing one with an open fire. How I always thought it would end in flames._

_  
_

I suppose it did.

  


  


**Penny**

  


Baz is sitting on the beach under the stars. He has his knees pulled up to his chest and feet buried in the sand. He looks lost.

I sit down next to him and pull my knees up, mirroring his position.

I'm not sure if noticed me, he seems lost in thought.

"I'm sorry for everything I said," I say breaking the silence.

"It's all right, we both said things we didn't mean," He replies quietly.

I nod and look up to the stars.

They're insanely bright and twinkling. Sometimes when Baz would flirt with Simon he would say his freckles look like stars. They really did now that i think about it.

"He really loved you, you know that right?" I ask staring at the stars.

"Did he tell you that?" Baz asks looking out to the sea.

"No, he never told me anything like that."

"I thought you had a no secrets pact?"

"His love for you wasn't a secret."

Baz scoff and shakes his head.

"I'm serious!" I exclaim moving my legs so I'm sat cross-legged instead.

"He's always been in love with you. I didn't know that's what it was in fifth year, but there was something about how he would talk about you that wasn't anger. Borderline manic but not anger." I say turning my head to look at him, he's still staring at the sea.

"I had to set a limit for how much he talked about you, it was excessive. It wasn't until eighth year after you called him love, that the pieces clicked together. Even in his…" I stop, what are we calling Simon's depressive state?

"Even in his worst moments, he would soften when he saw you. When I would sit with him it was jagged and angry, but with you, he would soften just a bit. He would calm, and I know he would have done anything for you. He even went out into a city full of vampires to find you because he was worried about you...If that isn't love I don't know what is."

I finish my speech and Baz seems even more distant. He's chewing on his lip and his hands are clenching his jeans.

I know Baz loved him so much more than I can comprehend. I know he did, and a small part of me thinks he might try to join Simon.

"Basil," I say, laying a hand on his knee, "please don't leave too."

That gets his attention, he quickly takes his gaze away from the sea and turns to me.

"What?"

"I-I know you loved Simon a great deal but-" I stop as tears well up in my eyes and my throat feels like it's closing, "please don't leave too. I can't lose both my brothers." I say quietly trying to hold my sobs back.

Baz stays silent for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I won't leave, I promise," He says in a stern tone. He sounds so sure.

I clench at his shirt and pull him closer.

We stay like that for what feels like hours before I pull away.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"It's all right," Baz mumbles back.

All of a sudden we hear a boomerang-like sound before something hits Baz's head with a heavy thud.

"Crowley!" he shouts.

We both turn around to see a duffle bag, a familiar one that was stashed in the convertible.

Baz in a flash opens the bag and inside is the poorly shoved in t-shirts and jeans Simon packed for the trip.

Baz picks up one and holds it close to his chest, practically breathing in the shirt.

There's a faint smell of smoke and popcorn. I guess he'll never really be gone.

  


  


**Baz**

  


Even in death, Simon will rule my life.

He'll always find me.

He is the sun. He holds the stars.

He has captured my heart, and even in death, he won't let go.

  


_I miss you, Simon, but I'll see you again. I'll find you again my love._

  


  


  


**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY!
> 
> also nerd time, Ok so I think that if Baz was sure Simon was dead he would have reacted differently than in Wayward Son, so when he touches his skin Simon is cold and sends Baz into a different reaction. Penny is just rolling with the punches and is completely overwhelmed, Agatha is confused and just trying to deal with it and keep Baz from being a dumbass. I didn't go into Shepard cause I think he would just be a little detached. In the end, essentially Simon's duffle bag finds them from when they did the Amazing Grace thing and it gives them hope that Simon is never truly gone. So. There you go.
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, kudos and comments are always appreciated
> 
> If you want to yell at me for my crimes (or just say hi) you can find me at [bloodiedpixie](https://bloodiedpixie.tumblr.com/post/643565183815630848) on tumblr!


End file.
